The Ladder You Cannot Push Someone Up

A man came to me once after a seminar — successful by most measures, ran a company of about 200 people — and he said, "Jim, I've got good people, but I can't get them to do what I need them to do."

I said, "What have you tried?"

He said, "Everything. Incentives. Warnings. New policies. I've restructured the whole organization twice."

I said, "Let me ask you something. Do you know what they want?"

He looked at me like I'd asked him the color of the wind.

The Error We Make

Here's what I found out early, and it took some painful lessons to learn it: You cannot push anyone up a ladder. You can stand at the bottom and shove all day long. You can threaten. You can bribe. You can put your shoulder into it until you're exhausted. But a person has to climb that ladder themselves, one rung at a time, with their own two hands.

Now, somebody says, "But Jim, I'm the boss. I have authority."

And I say, "You have authority over their time. You have authority over their paycheck. But you do not have authority over their heart."

That's the difference between compliance and commitment. Compliance you can buy. Commitment has to be earned.

What Moves People

Mr. Shoaff said something to me when I was 25 years old that I've never forgotten. He said, "Jim, if you want to be successful, you have to become a student of people."

I said, "What do you mean?"

He said, "Most people spend all their time studying their product, their service, their technique. They become experts in what they're selling but amateurs in who they're selling to."

We call that a great error in judgment.

See, everybody's got a dream. Everybody's got something that wakes them up a little earlier or keeps them up a little later. Everybody's got fears too — things they're running from, things they're protecting, things they don't want to lose. And if you don't know what those are, you're flying blind.

A leader who doesn't study influence is like a doctor who never learned anatomy. You might get lucky once in a while, but mostly you're just guessing. And guessing is expensive.

The Difference Between Pushing and Pulling

Here's a good phrase for you: People don't resist change. They resist being changed.

Think about that. A man will work 80 hours a week on his own business. The same man will complain about working 45 hours at someone else's. What's the difference? It's not the hours. It's the ownership.

When something is mine, when the dream is mine, I'll do whatever it takes. But when you try to make me do something for your reasons instead of mine — that's when you get resistance. That's when you get the slow shuffle, the excuses, the turnover.

So the question becomes: How do you make your vision their vision?

Not by explaining it better. Not by saying it louder. Not by putting it on a poster in the break room.

You do it by connecting your vision to their dreams.

A woman once told me she was having trouble getting her team motivated about a new initiative. I said, "Have you asked them what they're working toward? What they want for their families? What success looks like to them?"

She said, "That's not really my business."

I said, "Then their effort isn't really your business either."

The Study of Influence

Now, influence is not manipulation. Let me be clear about that. Manipulation is getting people to do what you want by hiding your intentions. Influence is getting people to do what you want by aligning your intentions with theirs.

Big difference, right?

A manipulator says, "How can I get them to do this?"

A person of influence says, "How can I help them want this?"

One is a trick. The other is a service.

And here's what's interesting — the student of influence actually has to become a better person. You can't inspire people toward a vision you don't believe in yourself. You can't call people to a standard you don't live by. You can't ask for commitment when you're only offering compliance in return.

Somebody says, "I want my people to be more dedicated."

I say, "Are you dedicated to them?"

"I want them to care about the company."

"Do you care about what they care about?"

It all comes back. It all comes back.

Authority Is Borrowed. Influence Is Earned.

Here's something I learned from watching leaders for 40 years: Authority comes from the position. Influence comes from the person.

The position can be taken away tomorrow. The influence, if you've built it right, lasts a lifetime.

I've seen people with no title who had enormous influence. Everyone wanted to know what they thought. Everyone watched what they did. And I've seen people with big titles and corner offices who couldn't get anyone to follow them to lunch.

The difference? One had studied people. The other had only studied power.

And power without understanding is just noise. You can make a lot of noise. You can demand attention. But attention isn't respect. Compliance isn't commitment. And a title isn't trust.

The Assignment

So here's what I'd suggest, my friend. This week, pick three people you work with, three people you're trying to lead or influence. And find out what they really want. Not what you assume they want. Not what the HR manual says they should want. What keeps them up at night. What gets them out of bed in the morning.

Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Take notes.

You might be surprised. The person you thought was unmotivated might be deeply motivated — just not by what you've been offering. The person you thought was difficult might just be misunderstood. The person you were ready to give up on might be one honest conversation away from becoming your best ally.

You can't push anyone up a ladder. But you can show them a view worth climbing for.

And when they start climbing — when they're climbing because they want to, because they see something up there that matters to them — you won't have to push at all.

That's influence. That's leadership. That's the study of a lifetime.